Today is Mothers’ Day and just like every Mothers’ Day for the last 22 years, I will be spending it at the baseball field. For me, a certain relief pitcher getting his predecessor out of a one-out-bases-loaded jam by way of a 6-4-3 double play coupled with a W for the Yellow Jackets would be the BEST MOTHERS DAY PRESENT EVER. Anxious anticipation, sweaty palms, heart palpitations…these are the primal responses I have become accustomed to managing as I helplessly watch from the sidelines. I am no ordinary baseball spectator. I am a baseball mom…Happy Baseball Mothers Day to me.
April 4 is not just another ordinary day… it’s National Hug A Newsperson Day! Seriously. It is. And in case you think this is just another fake news story, think again. I researched it and hereby confirm National Hug a Newsperson Day is, indeed, 100% legit. Oddly enough, according to the official website, the best way to observe the occasion is to hug your newsperson, but no worries if you aren’t able to do it in person. You can send virtual hugs to all your faves by posting the official hashtag to social media.
I’m a day late, but in honor of Man’s Best Friend and for all of us who love them, Happy National Dog Day.
It was only a matter of time.
Props to Chad Prather and Steve Mudflap McGrew (a.k.a Larry the Liberal) for this hysterical musical parody of Garth Brook’s hit, Friends in Low Places. In case you want to sing along (and who doesn’t?) here are the lyrics.
Blame it all on our roots we never wore boots
and never once played in the street.
We feel very bitter,
get our news off of Twitter,
And we just can’t handle defeat.
You saw the surprise and the fear in our eyes
When Donald became president,
Screamed this can’t be true!
And to the safe spaces we went.
Shame on me for wishing the fate of the Pussyhat would be the same as those hideous brides maids dresses we wear once and shove into the dark recesses of our closets. Alas, feminist whack-jobs in cities across America are slapping those pink puppies, I mean pussies, atop their heads once again and playing hooky from work because today is NOT just another ordinary day. Today is A Day Without a Woman.
According to the organizers…
If you think NOT showing up for work or NOT caring for your home and loved ones is NOT the best way to shed light on the importance of women in society and the workforce, CONGRATULATIONS! You are a normal, rational person. C’mon, you might be thinking, that’s not all A Day Without a Women is about, and you’re right. A Day Without a Woman is also about Reproductive Rights (of course it is!) and Gender Justice, which evidently is something to which gay, lesbian, bi, queer, trans, Two-Spirit – whatever THAT is – and gender nonconforming people are entitled, but not straight males who were born that way. I could share more of this idiotic manifesto, but you’d need a Pepcid, so I’ll just hyperlink to the official A Day Without a Woman page (SURPRISE! It’s on The Women’s March website) and let you troll at your own risk.