Poop in Beards = Feces on Faces

A while back I wrote about bros shaving their nether regions. If you haven’t read it, you can check it out here. In summary, there is a reason human beings have pubic hair. I don’t know what it is, but I feel certain there is one and what I do know is manscaping is a bad idea. Guys simply should not be shaving south of the border. Period. They should, however, be shaving their faces and here’s why.

A bunch of brave dudes allowed the folks at Action News 7 in Albuquerque, New Mexico, to swab their chin curtains in order to identify the sort of stuff that lurks in beards. John Golobic, a Quest Diagnostics microbiologist, tested the samples and found – if you’re the wife or girlfriend of a guy with a beard, you’ll want to sit down for this – poop.

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UC Irvine PhD Student, Nick Gallo Op-Ed

Nick Gallo is a second-year PhD student in the department of computer science at UC Irvine and the author of the following op-ed, which appeared in the UCI campus newspaper, the New University on March 11. With his permission, I’m reposting it here. And it is a big fat freaking slice of awesome.  

Photo: Old Glory by Eric Haggart

Photo: Old Glory by Eric Haggart

Last Thursday the ASUCI Legislative Council voted 6-4-2 to ban the display of the American flag in the ASUCI lobby. This triggered a huge backlash among students opposed to the measure and received national media attention. UCI administration immediately went into damage control mode, releasing a statement that these students were “misguided” and that this decision was in no way supported by campus leadership. Chancellor Gillman promptly followed up, lamenting how it is “inevitable” when you get a bunch of “young people” together that some of them will occasionally express views that are “unconventional and even outrageous.” “It was outrageous and indefensible,” he exclaimed “that they would question the appropriateness of displaying the American flag on this great campus.”

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The War on Pubic Hair

I have it on good authority that bros are shaving their nether regions. I can’t say on whose authority because I promised not to name names, but according to this person manscaping has become something of a cultural norm for males under age 30. I’m not talking about waxing to tidy up edges and keep stubborn strays from peeking out tight-whitey leg holes. THAT I can handle. I’m talking about shearing the full monty… complete hairlessness. Bald.

SHAVING-SAYS-A-LOT-ABOUT-A-MAN-LIKE-IM-NOT-ONE-THUMBCall me old fashioned: dudes should not be shaving south of the border. Period. End of discussion. Yet, they are and it makes met wonder. What is prompting this declaration of war on pubic hair? Is it a passing fad spawned by man-thongs and greased up Calvin Klein underwear models? Or is it the manifestation of a psychosocial desire to return to the care-free days of childhood (a.k.a Peter Pan Syndrome)? Maybe it’s a misguided attempt at hygiene? Whatever. It’s still a bad idea, not to mention a wee bit confusing.

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Where Are All the Girls on the Money?

UPDATE: If you agree Margaret Sanger’s inclusion on a list of great American Women is despicable, click HERE to sign the petition.

Women on 20s is a non-profit organization dedicated to convincing President Obama it’s time to remove Andrew Jackson’s face from the $20 bill and replace it with the likeness of a great American woman. The group is rallying online support and site visitors are encouraged to vote for their favorite new-face-of-the-twenty-spot from a list of 15 candidates. Why is this important? Watch.

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Cruncles…As in Creepy Uncles

Lots of families have cruncles… as in creepy uncles.

weird uncle leo

Jerry Seinfeld had Cruncle Leo.

weird uncle fester

The Addams Family had Cruncle Fester.

And the good citizens of the United States of America have Cruncle Joe Biden.

Screen Shot 2015-02-18 at 11.23.01 AM

That’s Stephanie Carter, wife of incoming Defense Secretary Ashton Carter and the latest casualty of socially inappropriate behavior committed by Vice President, Joe Biden. This awkward moment – made all the more awkward by the get-your-paws-off-me-you-psycho-nut-job expression on Stephanie Carter’s face – happened just yesterday. Apparently, Cruncle Joey beckoned Mrs. Carter to stand with him during Secretary Carter’s remarks at his swearing-in ceremony in Washington, DC. The veep then placed his hands on Mrs. Carter’s shoulders (for about 20 seconds) before leaning in to whisper in her ear or cop a sniff of her hair, both equally disconcerting given his eyes were closed at the time. Just another day at the office for Joe Biden…

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First Vagina Cookies. Now Vagina Yogurt. What’ll They Think of Next?

cecilia westbrookRemember the psycho snack mom who came unglued and started screaming about about vagina pride when her kid’s second grade teacher refused to serve the anatomically-correct vagina cookies she baked? If she wasn’t wackadoodle enough for you, please meet Cecilia Westbrook. And her vagina yogurt.

Yes. I said vagina yogurt. 

Ms. Westbrook is a self-described feminist (of course) and psychology graduate student whose research interests include the interaction of emotion and cognition in the development of mood (that would be mood not food) disorders. Apparently she got the idea to make vagina yogurt last August when she and a college friend were sitting around “riffing on vagina puns” (TRANSLATION: speaking amusingly about their vaginas) because duh… that’s what FEMINISTS do.  

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Real Men Do Romance

If the following post seems familiar, it’s because I began publishing it for Valentine’s Day in 2013. Happy Valentine’s Day.

Dear Christian and Jared,

Today is Valentine’s Day so it seems a good day to remind you there’s something to be said for good, old-fashioned, romantic rituals. Even though you probably think Valentine’s Day is mostly a money gauging Hallmark-led conspiracy, rest assured girls still like it. And by the way, did you know Valentine’s Day was first linked to romantic love in the mid-14th century before Hallmark even existed? It was a time when courtly love flourished and a gentleman was expected to be noble and chivalrous in expressing his love and admiration for a lady. Sadly, good, old-fashioned romance has fallen out of style these days.

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Stop Morons from Signing Petitions

In Check Out the Want Ads I promised to start a petition to stop morons from signing petitions. I never break a promise so here it is.
Screen Shot 2015-02-02 at 9.54.09 AMChange-org-buttonPlease click here →           to support the campaign to stop throngs of morons from signing online petitions without reading them.

Copyright © 2015 Antoinette Datoc All Rights Reserved

Check Out the Want Ads

Image Credit: www.phxnews.com

Image Credit: www.phxnews.com

Once upon a time, a long time ago newspapers were made of thin, low-cost, non-archival paper called newsprint and they were divided into sections. One section, the Classifieds (also known as the want ads because you could find anything you wanted there) contained short advertisements, classified (hence the name) by categories.

Want to find something you lost? Check out the want ads. Want to find a job, a roommate or a place to live? Check out the want ads. What to find the man of your dreams or a puppy? Check out the want ads.

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