Where Are All the Feminists?

In case you missed it, the false prophets of feminism have their panties in a collective wad. Again.

In summary, Jourdan Rodrigue, a reporter for the Charlotte Observer, asked Cam Newton a very specific question about his receiver’s ability to run routes, revealing an arresting knowledge of football. Cam smiled and said it was funny to hear a female talking about routes because, let’s be honest, women generally do not talk with such specificity about football. Yeah. Yeah, I know Rodrigue is a sports journalist and it’s her job, but Cam Newton’s comment, punctuated by a smile, was neither offensive nor sexist and it certainly was not disparaging. Dare I suggest Jourdan Rodrigue, et al. over-reacted? read more

The Mad Pooper

I have a neighbor who lets his dog poop on our front lawn and then strolls off without picking it up as if he has no idea his pooch left a smoldering pile of dung in my flower bed. It annoys me, but it’s nothing compared to the Mad Pooper..

The Mad Pooper is a lady jogger who’s been terrorizing a family in Colorado Springs by pooping on their front lawn. No joke. She jogs by, stops, pulls down her shorts and poops in their yard. The first time it happened, the kids were playing outside. They ran into the house screaming for their mom, “A lady is pooping in our yard!” For the record, I cannot begin to imagine how I would react if my kids ran into the house screaming about a lady pooping in our yard. I’d probably lock the doors and make everybody hide under the furniture to keep them safe from harm’s way, but according to news reports this (super) mom actually confronted the deuce in the act. She ran outside, caught the offender mid-poop with her shorts down around her ankles and shouted something like, “Are you really taking a poop right here in front of my kids,” to which the Mad Pooper replied, “Yeah. Sorry.” read more

Happy International Talk Like a Pirate Day

Shiver me timbers! Arrr, today be September 19… nay…it not be jus’ another ordinary day. It be International Talk Like a Pirate Day!  In order t’ be celebratin’ this auspicious occasion with zest and swagger, ye best be talkin’ like a salty sea-dog. Arrrre ye ready?

The Basic Rules o’ Talking Like a Pirate

  • Always say aye nay yes.
  • Always say ye nay you.
  • Always say me nay my.
  • Always roll yer R’s.

Jus’ Another Ordinary Day Glossary o’ Favorite Seafarin’ Hearty Words and Phrases

ahoyinterjection; used to express a greeting as in hello
ahoy, mateyinterjection; hello, my friend
aaarrrggghhhhinterjection; an exclamation of discontent or disgust
avast yeverb; look at this
ayeadverb; used to express affirmation or agreement as in yes
blimeyinterjection; used to convey surprise; short for God blind me!
blow me downinterjection; used to express strong emotion like surprise or shock as in oh, my gosh
bootynoun; stolen goods, especially jewelry, cash and precious metals like the family silver
bungholenoun; the opening in a bottle, especially beer and rum, that is plugged with a cork or stopper
cap’nnoun; short for captain; used as a term of respect
dead men tell no tails: idiomatic phrase; pirate’s excuse for leaving no survivors
deadlightsnoun; eyes
grognoun; diluted rum or any alcoholic concoction
ho: interjection; used to convey surprise or joy, attract attention to something (especially when pointing) or to encourage onward
hornswoggleverb; to swindle, cheat or hoodwink
landlubbernoun; an unseasoned sailor; a slow. clumsy person
meadjective; my
nayadverb; not
saltyadjective; experienced
scallywagnoun; scamp, rascal, scoundrel, rogue
scurvy dognoun; a disgusting, foul person
sea-dognoun; an old pirate or sailor
shiver-me-timbersinterjection; used to convey excitement or surprise as in oh my gosh!
swabverb; to mop or clean
three sheets to the windadjective; extremely inebriated
yo ho hointerjection; used to express great joy; typically repeated over and over at increasing volume while consuming grog as in yo ho ho and a bottle of rum! read more

Get a Haircut

I apologize in advance to all the hipster dudes and hipster-dude-girlfriends and hipster-dude-wives for what you are about to read.

I’m not a fan of the man bun. Seriously. Get a haircut. Wear a hat. Just please… lose the man bun.

Man buns are ridiculous. This has been my opinion since the very first time I saw one back in 2003. It was on David Beckham, but since professional soccer players – excuse me, football players – are obnoxiously annoying by nature anyway, I gave him a pass on the man bun. Still, the minute I saw him, I thought he looked ridiculous. Why would an otherwise good-looking guy choose to wear an up-do, I wondered? Before long equally ridiculous-looking man buns were popping up on the heads of men everywhere in all walks of life from Hollywood elite to regular Joes. I kept my opinion to myself because to each his own, right? Plus, if nothing else, a guy sporting a man bun seems kinda harmless. Probably not what your average dude wants to hear, but it’s true. read more

Happy National Make Your Bed Day

Today is September 11 which means, in addition to being the sobering anniversary of the 9/11 attack on the World Trade Center, it’s National Make Your Bed Day. Seriously. It’s a thing (I checked) and in case you’re wondering how to celebrate, you can start off by making your bed.

And THAT is why, everyday should be Make Your Bed Day.

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