Open Letter to the Young Mom Sitting Behind Me at the Baseball Game Last Weekend

Dear Young-Mom-Sitting-Behind-Me-at-the-Baseball-Game-Last-Weekend,

Thanks for reminding me I’ve got it pretty easy these days.

10574294_765745246780649_3869567904093771880_nMy sons are grown men. I should be proud and happy and embracing life, but after 25 years of stay-at-home-motherhood, I confess, I sometimes feel irrelevant. I find myself pining for days gone by, forgetting life back then wasn’t always a scene plucked from a Norman Rockwell painting. I suppose missing them has a tendency to cloud my memory. So thank you, Mom-Sitting-Behind-Me-at-the-Baseball-Game-Last-Weekend, for reminding me l’ve got it pretty easy. read more

Nuttier Than Squirrel Poop

If I had a nickel for every time I said flush and wash your hands or don’t touch your brother or please use soap on the stinky parts, I’d be a very wealthy woman. As it is, I’m just nuttier than squirrel poop because that’s what raising sons does to you.

You spend the better part of every minute of everyday for two decades focusing all your energy on turning the little savages into civilized human beings and then what do they do? WHAT DO THEY DO? They up and leave. That’s right. They go to college, get jobs, become successful, independent people. Translation: THEY DO NOT NEED YOU ANYMORE. [WATCH] read more

All I (Don’t) Want for Christmas

Dear Christian and Jared,

It’s that time of year…

Speaking of presents to pretty girls, in keeping with tradition [related post 10 Things I Don’t Want for Mothers’ Day], please do not buy me a CD of Swedish goats singing Christmas carols. And yes, there really is such a thing.

You’re welcome.

Love,

Momma

P.S.

Merry Christmas

© 2015 Just Another Ordinary Day  All Rights Reserved

Letter to Parents of Screaming Kid in Maine Diner

Meet Darla Neugebauer, the Maine restaurant owner who went a tad bit berserk and yelled at a patron’s screaming toddler.

Image Credit: http://media.salon.com

Image Credit: http://media.salon.com

Whenever something like this happens a debate surfaces over whether it’s ever okay to yell at somebody else’s kid. The answer is no, but can we at least agree every single person in that restaurant, except for that kid’s parents, probably wanted to do what Darla Neugebauer did? It just so happened she was the first one to come completely unhinged.

Whether the parents of that screaming toddler are so smitten with their child they were oblivious to just how annoying a kid screaming in a restaurant can be or they’re just jerks, it’s obvious they need to face some cold, hard facts. Here goes. read more

FACT: Women with Flat Butts Have Lower IQs Than Women with Fat Butts

A few days ago I offended a bunch of liberal-minded folks by publishing a post on the findings of a Harvard University study, FACT: Liberals Have Lower IQs Than Conservatives. The truth hurts, but still, I don’t want to be responsible for anyone’s bruised ego so today I  issue the following warning. IF YOU ARE SKINNY WOMAN WITH A FLAT BUTT, PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

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Photo Credit: http://www.taprootfoundation.org/about-probono/blog/how-big-your-butt

Based on findings initially made in 2011 by researchers at Oxford University and recently confirmed by a study at the University of Pittsburgh, fat-bottomed girls do, in fact, make the rockin’ world go ’round. Yes sir, we’re not just exceptional twerkers. We are intellectually superior to our skinny, flat-bottomed sisters. And we manufacture freaking genius babies to boot. Seriously, there is actual scientific evidence that children born to bootie-licious mothers turn out to be brainier than kids with skinny-legged, flat-bottomed moms (a.k.a the kind of moms we fat-bottomed moms love to hate even if we are smarter). Anyway, I am absolutely NOT making any of this up and here’s the bio-chemistry “behind” it. read more