Once upon a time, a long time ago newspapers were made of thin, low-cost, non-archival paper called newsprint and they were divided into sections. One section, the Classifieds (also known as the want ads because you could find anything you wanted there) contained short advertisements, classified (hence the name) by categories.
Want to find something you lost? Check out the want ads. Want to find a job, a roommate or a place to live? Check out the want ads. What to find the man of your dreams or a puppy? Check out the want ads.
As it turns out, I didn’t find the man of my dreams in the want ads. I found him in college, but I did find my dog in the want ads. That was fifteen years ago and by the way, no one hurled eggs at my car or formed a human chain to block me from entering the breeder’s driveway when I arrived to pay for my new puppy and take her home. I guess there weren’t as many out-of-work, bored liberals looking for stuff to whine about back then.
These days people still use classified ads to find jobs, cars, places to live, soul mates and yes, (shudder) even the perfect dogs for their families. Instead of in newspapers, however, they tend to shop the want ads online because sadly, classified ads, like most forms of print news and advertising, have found their way to the internet. Why, then, such an uproar over the Go Daddy Super Bowl commercial? If you ask me, the idea of a merchant (in this case dog breeder) selling stuff (in this case puppies) on a personal website seems pretty harmless.
Go Daddy leaked the commercial a week early along with this clever tweet.
See what I mean? The commercial is harmless. In fact, if you’re a normal person, with a job and hobbies, you might even conclude Go Daddy is poking a little fun at Budweiser. You might watch the commercial on youtube and go on to discover it is, in fact, a parody – as in a humorous satirical imitation – of Budweiser’s wildly popular puppy commercial that aired during last year’s Super Bowl. You might even chuckle because (dare I utter the words) IT’S FUNNY.
Sadly, there are other people. People like Helena Yurcho, who whip themselves into freaking frenzies over stuff like this because ANIMAL RIGHTS Y’ALL!! I don’t know Ms. Yurcho so I’m speculating here, but it seems to me she has no sense of humor and/or is pathologically obsessed with circulating petitions because she did just that. Acting on behalf of all dogs in all the world and intent on forcing Go Daddy or the NFL (or anybody who would listen to her whining) to pull the commercial from its fillion-dillion dollar Super Bowl spot, Ms. Yurcho took to the internet to create a change.org petition.
Let me pause for a moment to illustrate another fine example of hypocrisy. Among the things Ms. Yurcho finds offensive about the commercial is that (she claims) it “encourages people to buy puppies online.” Yet, Ms. Yurcho herself did not put down the bag of granola, physically get off her sofa in Berwick, PA, hit the pavement and go knocking on doors, petition in hand, in order to solicit support for her cause. Nope. She did it all online. She created a petition online and solicited signatures online, all for the purpose of (insert sarcasm here) protesting online commerce. See the irony?
Anyway, according to USA TODAY, Ms. Yurcho’s online petition actually garnered tens of thousands of signatures “in a matter of a few hours,” so Go Daddy pulled the commercial. Worse, they apologized for being insensitive to peoples’ feeeeeeelings. And so it goes in Obama’s America…another win for the whining wack-jobs.
As a dog-lover who feels incredibly strong about the ethical, responsible and compassionate treatment of animals, allow me to explain something. I watched the commercial. Repeatedly. It does not encourage online pet shopping. It does not promote dog fighting, puppy mills or the mistreatment of animals. It does not cross the line from humorous to offensive or malicious. It simply depicts a dog breeder selling puppies with a website powered by Go Daddy, the internet domain registrar and web hosting company. It’s a parody of Budweiser and an ad for GO DADDY all rolled into one 30 second commercial and it is FUNNY.
Now let me put it in terms simple enough to be understood by the throng of morons who sign online petitions without reading them: commercial not bad, commercial funny…Ha Ha.Ha.
Finally if I’ve offended you, in lieu of apologizing may I suggest you check out the want ads for a job or a hobby or perhaps… a sense of humor?
COMING SOON: Just Another Ordinary Day Petition to Stop Morons from Signing Online Petitions. Really it’s coming. I just don’t have the time at this moment to set it up.
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