Free the Nipple

Remember that stupid waste of time feminist movement called Free Your Pits? You know, the thing where women grow their armpit hair, dye it all sorts of neon colors and post pictures of themselves on social media sites because guys-don’t-shave-their-armpits-so-why-should-we?  [Related post Free Your Pits].

Guess what? A bunch of UC San Diego female students and alumnae decided to join the freedom crusade. They added guys-don’t-have-to-keep-their-shirts-on-in-public-so-why-should-we to the ever-growing compendium of social norms deemed aggressively propagated by the eeeeevil patriarchy to oppress women. Then they gave it a name (of course) – “body-shaming” – and promptly created a movement and organized a campus event to protest it. Hence, Free the Nipple. Watch.

Did you happen to notice there were a lot of dudes in the video? Evidently, there ended up being more men than women at Free the Nipple, which surprised the organizers. Really? I’m no Einstein, but I could have predicted an out-pouring of frat-boy support for an event that featured naked female breasts because newsflash: MEN LIKE BOOBS.

Boobs Man 2

Image Credit: Free the Nipple – UCSD Facebook Event Page []







Or as one slightly more tactful gent suggests.

Booobs- Secret weapons

Image Credit: Free the Nipple – UCSD Facebook Event Page []










Oddly enough, not a single one of these social justice warriors appears to have quit shaving and dyed her armpit hair before setting her “secret weapons” free. Look closely and you’ll see even the girl with one side of her head shaved and a nose ring who shouts “free the nipple” at 22 seconds into the clip (and whom you would expect to have armpit hair) is clean-shaven. In fact, the only hairy armpits captured on video belong to dudes who (air quotes) support the cause. I’m not sure why, but I kind of expected female armpit hair, body piercings, tattoos and combat boots at an event like this.

Anyway, if Free Your Pits and Free the Nipple aren’t enough to annoy the h*ll out of you, Free Bleeding ought to do the trick. In case you don’t know – and I wish I didn’t – Free Bleeding refers to the practice of not using feminine sanitary products while menstruating.

I’m not talking about Birkenstock-wearing-granola-eating-earth-mothers who trade commercially manufactured feminine hygiene products for rags made of organically-grown cotton and natural sea sponges. I’m talking about fanatics who use nothing at all -nada – to manage their menstrual flow because guys-don’t-use-feminine-sanitary-products-so-why-should-we? Okie-dokie and newsflash: GUYS DON’T MENSTRUATE.

Of course, they gave it a name – “period-shaming”and promptly created a movement to protest it. Hence, Free Bleeding… because every woman knows using a tampon or a sanitary napkin is way more oppressive and humiliating than a blood-stained crotch and endometrial fluid running down your legs. And by the way, if you think this is disgusting and the women who do it are off their rockers, congratulations. You are a normal human being.

Free Your Pits. Free the Nipple. Free Bleeding. All this pointless protesting by rad-fems is getting out of control. Seriously, if your cause is gender equality, at least find something that’s worth the fight. And makes a little sense. Something, for example, like… Free to Pee Standing Up, the movement in which every female in America, the whole entire world gets one of these…







…because if guys-don’t-have-to-sit-on-filthy-toilet-seats-in-public-restrooms-why-should-we?

#FreeTo Pee Standing Up… Don’t lie. You know you wish you could.

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